"Be not afraid of greatness; some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them."
— William Shakespeare
Once, Abe was a nerd just like you, tapping away on his keyboard and sending missives into the board that he cared passionately about but no one else did, drooling over Natalie Portman and shoving hot grits down his pants, and scarfing cheetos by the pound, with a single 80 that he grinded away on dailies with every day while screaming "no homo" at the slightest gay insinuation. Abe was banned four times and even once permabanned by Lowtax himself! He was an awful, degenerate human being, a sperglord without peer.
Today he is a moderator of GBS, E/N, and SAFPD, three of the most influential forums on the Something Awful Dot com forums. With his red star, Abe wields great social influence over everyone, even FYAD, YCS, and the gay community. He can ban anyone who flames him or his most beloved FORUMS GIRLFRIEND. He can unban those who flame his many messageboard enemies. He no longer eat cheetos, but instead eats a balanced diet that includes plenty of fruit. He now has 7 level 80 characters and makes his money on the auction house, not doing dailies like some loser.
But despite his rise to fame and power, he remembers his humble origins and remains a lovable, down-to-earth person. Abe is a man of his word - a promise from Abe is a promise you can count on, even if it means three days of diarrhea. He is a supporter and earnest protector of the mentally retarded and can often be found donating his time to teaching them behaviors to help them survive in the real world. Can any say they are remotely as generous, kind, and loving as Abe?
I think not.