Who is Abe?

    What a stupid fucking question. The already barely-existent meaning of your tiny life is diminished by your ignorance. Despite your ignorance, the very existence of Abe has already enriched your life in uncountably numerous ways.

    Some say Abe is a man. Some say Abe is a funny guy. Some say Abe is a moderator on the Something Awful forums. Some say Abe is the player of a pretty okay priest in World of Warcraft.

    All of these people are fucking wrong.

    Well, okay, technically they are not wrong and in the shallowest sense these things are all true, but they are nonetheless also fucking wrong. Abe is an enigma; a scintillating, luminous hint of the existence of a whole higher state of reality that your mind cannot even begin to comprehend. He is the proverbial ray of light, the last shred of hope, the first glorious light of dawn come to chase away the gloomy and oppressive blanket of the night.

    Also, he ate a fruit hat. That's fucking cool.